I particularly enjoy working with couples. This was previously called marriage guidance or marriage counselling, but is now mostly referred to as relationship counselling or couples counselling.

Most couples have times in their relationship when they feel things just aren’t how they would like them to be. Perhaps there is more arguing, blaming each other, an affair or a lack of closeness and intimacy. John Gottman, a well known relationship expert, has carried out research that shows that once couples reach this stage they often wait around 6 years before they seek any assistance.

From my work with many couples, I realise individuals experience this break down in their relationship in different ways. Some find it painful, frustrating, sad or frightening. Frequently what happens in your relationship also impacts a couples intimate and sexual relationship together. If this sounds familiar don’t wait 6 years – the sooner you begin the more likely that you can re establish a satisfying relationship.

I believe that every couple’s relationship is special and different from all other relationships. Neither partner is right or wrong – both just see the same situation from a different perspective. My role is not the expert with all the answers. It is the clients that have the answers to the questions they are coming to counselling to solve. Sometimes they just haven’t recognised them. With my support and guidance, each partner can understand what is happening for them in their relationship now and how this has been influenced by their previous experiences. They can then reach a decision on the future of their relationship and if the relationship is to continue, we can use their strengths to build a more satisfying relationship for the future.

Call me soon I can help you create the relationship you long for.
Phone me on 027 824 7518 or email debbie@optionscounselling.co.nz

Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT)

My approach to couples counselling is strongly influenced by the work of Dr Sue Johnson who developed EFT in the 1980’s. The Emotionally Focussed Therapy approach is based on the understanding that couples want to feel close and connected to each other but often when partners interact together they behave in a particular way e.g. withdrawing and not wanting to talk or pushing their partner away, which then gets in the way of being close. Sue Johnson refers to this as the couple’s ‘dance’ or their ‘cycle’. Our challenge together will be to understand the cycle that is present in your relationship and find ways to break that cycle.
Emotionally Focussed Therapy is one of the very few approaches to Relationship Counselling that has had research on its effectiveness carried out. Compared to other approaches findings have been very positive, showing that the relationships of 80-90% of couples receiving EFT improved and 60% of these maintained their improvements or continued to improve. For more information on EFT go to www.iceeft.com